Play it old school

Behold the blue and pink esquimaux

Climbing ice and clubbing seals

Travelling up, emitting squeals

From yetis and birds, they come to blows

Combatting around crevasses


Lo! See the polar bear in glasses!

Warning you don’t be so laggard,

Licking his mouth, he’s looking haggard!

Best make haste and move your asses

Lest you’ll end up down below.


Up, up, up, continue the ice show

Vegetables be what they seek

Reaching for red birdie’s beak

All revved up and ready to go


Enter but a boy wholly dressed in green attire

No gear equipped, no blade worth a mention

Yet something about him grabs my attention

A lass shall be his heart’s desire

To our aid will come this man


And though he looks like Peter Pan

I’ll bestow upon him a sword

So that he may smite the Dark Lord

And foil his master plan

Then we’ll rejoice and plan the gaudy


Hero hark, of the three ‘tis courage you embody

And there’s many a foe for you to dismember

I’ll grant you rupees but please remember –

It’s a secret to everybody.

Now go forth to the dark abyss


A Sacred Triangle will ensure the kingdom’s future bliss

Trust in the fairy boy to save the princess

Hero of Time, your lady’s in distress

It’s dangerous to go alone – take this.


Poor mustached plumber, I see how it must sting

To have your girl kidnapped by a giant ape

And just as you’ve made your escape

Have her snatched away by the Koopa King.

‘Save me’, is her constant plea.


The learned will advance from 1-1 to 8-3

But hark; the tanooki heard it through the pipeline:

‘The warp zone is found at the top of the vine’.

If not you may still journey over land and over sea

Don’t fret for you’ll soon be there.


After each trial you end up at the devil’s lair

Yet you’ll find, for all your hassle,

Your Princess is in another castle

Poor plumber, how you must despair.


Caroline Björn

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