Behold the blue and pink esquimaux
Climbing ice and clubbing seals
Travelling up, emitting squeals
From yetis and birds, they come to blows
Combatting around crevasses
Lo! See the polar bear in glasses!
Warning you don’t be so laggard,
Licking his mouth, he’s looking haggard!
Best make haste and move your asses
Lest you’ll end up down below.
Up, up, up, continue the ice show
Vegetables be what they seek
Reaching for red birdie’s beak
All revved up and ready to go
Enter but a boy wholly dressed in green attire
No gear equipped, no blade worth a mention
Yet something about him grabs my attention
A lass shall be his heart’s desire
To our aid will come this man
And though he looks like Peter Pan
I’ll bestow upon him a sword
So that he may smite the Dark Lord
And foil his master plan
Then we’ll rejoice and plan the gaudy
Hero hark, of the three ‘tis courage you embody
And there’s many a foe for you to dismember
I’ll grant you rupees but please remember –
It’s a secret to everybody.
Now go forth to the dark abyss
A Sacred Triangle will ensure the kingdom’s future bliss
Trust in the fairy boy to save the princess
Hero of Time, your lady’s in distress
It’s dangerous to go alone – take this.
Poor mustached plumber, I see how it must sting
To have your girl kidnapped by a giant ape
And just as you’ve made your escape
Have her snatched away by the Koopa King.
‘Save me’, is her constant plea.
The learned will advance from 1-1 to 8-3
But hark; the tanooki heard it through the pipeline:
‘The warp zone is found at the top of the vine’.
If not you may still journey over land and over sea
Don’t fret for you’ll soon be there.
After each trial you end up at the devil’s lair
Yet you’ll find, for all your hassle,
Your Princess is in another castle
Poor plumber, how you must despair.
Caroline Björn
